A Type of Insanity
by sapofbks2008
Summary: He was Kyoya so of course he didn't love like a normal person, but that didn't mean that he couldn't love, and what made it all the worse was that he was in love with his best friends girlfirned.
1. Chapter 1

I wasn't one to show emotions. I was one who didn't even like to admit that I had emotions much less show them. When Haruhi came into the Host Clubs' lives I was unaffected at first. She was a girl, I knew that at once, but the matter of her being a girl didn't matter much to me. I knew that Tamaki was falling in love with her even before he knew that she was a woman and so the matters of emotion… Well. Tamaki was in love… Of course I didn't have feelings. It was wrong and really I didn't care.

But Haruhi proved in many ways to be someone not easily ignored. You did not know a person like Haruhi and walk away without bringing emotions into the mix. When I figured that out I cursed my emotions and moved on.

At first I felt respect.

I could respect someone who could deal with Tamaki and walk out of school without seeking professional help.

Later there was caring.

I could care about someone who not only dealt with my best friend but still like him at the end of the day.

Caring turned into friendship.

And odd friendship turned into a sadistic type of … thing… in which I loved toruring the poor girl in ways that left her exasperated and me feeling oddly happy about it.

I cannot explain this point in the friendship. I can't even tell you it was different from the beginning in which I made her join the Host Club because she broke a vase. But there's a difference between torturing someone that you don't consider a friend and doing the same thing to someone that you not only respect but consider a friend. I enjoyed messing around with her just as much at this point (if not more) then I had in the beginning.

Caring turned into a romantic liking (some would call this… a crush… but I didn't I don't know the word. It's beneath me.)

Romantic liking turned in a cursed thing called love. If I hadn't cared about people at this point someone would have died just because I felt that someone should pay for my feelings. Oddly enough, I found that I couldn't kill my best friend and I couldn't kill the woman I loved.

Damn emotions. Either would have solved my problem.

I loved and I didn't have to like it and I didn't have to handle it well, but it didn't make the damn emotions go away.

I admit that I'm not an emotional type of person. I don't get embarrassed. I don't laugh much. I don't cry. But when I do feel emotion while it doesn't show on the outside it shows in my eyes. I can't help it. I don't even like to admit it, but when I feel something you can know it by looking into my eyes. My imperfect eyesight could be solved by contacts or surgery but I learned early on that I could hide behind my glasses and while I wouldn't admit it to anyone that's why I wore my glasses. They made me look good and they made it so that when I was feeling something I usually looked more sadistic then emotional.

I hid behind my glasses when I found out that I liked Haruhi and there wasn't anything I was going to do about it because I had morals that I felt bound to live by.

I hid behind them when I found out that Tamaki was just falling in love with Haruhi, he was in love with her and he would be for a very long time.

I hid behind them when I found out that while Haruhi wouldn't admit it. She liked Tamaki.

That was just fine by me. Everything was just fine. I didn't need to feel emotions. I didn't need to tell anyone. No one even bothered to realize I had emotions besides an annoying woman who had the nerve to know me better than anyone else then turn around and fall in love with an idiot.

Admittedly, the idiot would care about her more than I ever could. He wouldn't ignore her. He wouldn't forget something important and hurt her because he was more immersed in his work then he was in his girlfriend. He would know how to make her feel loved and he would know how to show her that he cared.

I just hid behind my damn corrective lenses.

I'm going to tell you my story. I may hide behind things, but some things need to be written down. I also feel the moment of temporary insanity.

**A/N: Here's the deal. I love this story and I really want to finish it but I find that I really don't have the time to be doing this with work and my hours being what they are. Right now I'm writing this at two in the morning and feel like I needed to go to sleep an hour ago. I love to write but I really don't have the time. None the less this idea will not leave me alone. You're going to have to motivate me to write this. If you want this story typed out for your pleasure then give me reviews and I'll be more motivated to write this and finish it. **

** I tend to let things just sit if I'm not motivated. I find that I'll finish writing something if I think enough people want to read the end of it. If your intrested enough in this to want the end you tell me what you think and you'll get more. If not thats fine but most of this story is probably going to end up staying in my head. I'm going to try really hard to get this story out either way because like I said the idea. It won't leave me alone, but reviews would be helpful. Now I'm going to bed. I NEED sleep.**


	2. Late Into the Night

It was late into the night and I wasn't really aware of what I was working on at this point, I was just getting work done. I was going to be in an extremely bad mood tomorrow seeing as I wasn't going to be getting any sleep, but I felt that sometimes I either worked myself to death or I lost my mind and since I needed common sense to get work done I just did what had to be done. I was in love with Haruhi but Haruhi was dating Tamaki. Sometimes thinking of the two of them together in the middle of the night made me want to commit a heinous such as murder and that wasn't an option because despite the fact that a lot of people thought that I didn't have a soul, I did, and I felt things.

It was the soul that damned me to the hell that I was currently living in. I couldn't kill anyone, and I couldn't tell the one person on the planet that I loved that I loved her. I was in a state of… nothing. Whereas, I had once been ignorant of my state of nothingness I was now currently aware of it and if I thought for one second that sleeping with random women would assuage the feeling of missing something important in my life then I would turn myself into a male hooker. …Sadly, I had tried sleeping with random women and although I found it highly pleasurable at times and even made me feel better for a short period I was always left with the feeling of missing an important part of myself.

I was in love. At its strongest it was a weak emotion. It left you with holes in your emotional being that could never be healed. The state of nothing sucked. I was used to being able to do anything and accomplish anything that I wanted, and if I so desired, world domination even though the task itself would work me to death. I sometimes wondered why that would be a bad thing.

I was in the middle of something I was sure was important but something that I had accomplished so many time I could and was doing it on auto pilot. I was probably doing it well to.

I wasn't sure what was in front of me but I was annoyed when the doorbell chimed though out the mansion and pulled me out of my working state and into the real world. I rather preferred not knowing what was going on around me to any other state. I ignored the chimes and went back to what I was doing and because I paid someone else to deal with that, even at the ungodly hour that it was. I didn't find it un-normal to have people at my house at ungodly hours. I had weird friends, and associates who work just as hard as I did.

Only one person was allowed to pass through those doors and I somehow doubted that Haruhi was giving me a visit at 2 in the morning. I went back to my work and almost killed the person who opened the door to my office. Until I saw that it _was_ Haruhi, and then everything was okay because whatever the reason for her being here, I would fix it for her even if I had to kill to get it done. I was wondering if I would have to kill someone when I saw the tears in her eyes. I was wondering if I was going to have to kill Tamaki and weather I would feel remorse for killing someone I was so close to. I hadn't been able to think about killing before, but that was before he made Haruhi cry. I doubted I would if he had made her cry like she was at that current moment.

"Is there a reason that you are visiting me at two in the morning Haruhi or did you just have the urge to disturb me? I am currently in the middle of something" I could feel emotion but I could never show emotion because it was a weakness that I could not afford to show.

Haruhi wiped her eyes and let herself into my office and dropped into a chair, "I always know that you'll know just what to say." she said in a broken voice.

I made the pretence of going back to work. "I was in the middle of something important."

Haruhi laughed through broken tears, " I know. You always are."

I made I hmming noise and went back to work.

"I had an argument with him again and I needed to get away for awhile and before I knew it I was here. I'm sorry if I interrupted something."

"You know that my door is always open even if it is at an inconvenient time." Haruhi never cried. Never.

I saw Haruhi fight to grin despite it all. "You always know just what to say. I think that might have been a sentimental statement just now."

Haruhi had no idea what I would do just to make her smile and she would never know. I went back to work as if I didn't feel anything having Haruhi sitting right in front of me.

"Would you care you tell me what the idiot did or shall I guess."

Haruhi shrugged, "It's not really a big deal. We just got into an argument and I was trying to get my point across and Tamaki continued to act like an idiot until I had to get out of the house."

I knew that it had to be something more to make Haruhi cry but I didn't ask again because she didn't want me to. I did exactly as she wanted me to. I said nothing. But I did make it so that you could only see the reflection of the computer screen in my glasses so she wouldn't know that I was getting upset. For awhile I worked and Haruhi sat there, with her mind of something. I ignored my feeling of helplessness because I knew it would get me no where helpful.

Eventually time passed and even though it was late I didn't make a move to go to bed. I hadn't planned to get to bed tonight before she had walked in and I wasn't going to act like I wasn't an insomniac now I didn't act for anyone, not even someone that I was in love with. Although, it was different went it came to Haruhi. Slightly different.

"If you desire to stay in one the spare bedrooms tonight you can. I'm not using them."

Haruhi paused for a second, "I think I will, but do you mind if I stay here for a little bit longer. I find the sound of typing relaxes me somehow."

I found this strange but if she wanted to stay in my office and watch me work then she was welcome to stay. "I don't mind you staying as long as you don't get in the way."

"Thank you." She said somewhat sarcastically.

I didn't say anything. She didn't say anything and the typing continued. At this hour my mansion was even more silent than usual. It was like a tomb in my house at this hour, and that was comforting to me but I wondered what Haruhi thought of it. I wondered if she thought my home was cold and then cursed myself silently for wondering.

"Are you alright?" Haruhi said.

I looked at her and not the computer in front of me. "Of course."

She shrugged. "You just stopped typing for a second and I wondered."

It was hard to get work done and berate myself at the same time, even for me it was a hard thing to accomplish. I would change myself for no one.

Eventually, the hour got late enough that I thought Haruhi should get to bed and since I had come to realize that she wasn't moving until I was, I closed my laptop and got up.

"I do believe that I am going to bed now. Do you want me to show you to one of the spare rooms?"

Haruhi shook her head. "No. I know where to go." She got up and followed me out of the room. I went down the hall to my room and Haruhi chose the same room that she always chose when she stayed over for one reason or another. It was the room right next to mine and it killed me every time. She was so close and yet she would never be mine.

I cursed myself again for wanting the unattainable. "Goodnight."

Haruhi smiled, "Goodnight."

**A/N: This was rather a boring chapter, or so I thought, but I'm setting up for something. Anyway, I hope you liked it. It took longer to write then I thought it would but some stuff happened at home and I really haven't felt like writing. As always R/R! I'm off of work tomorrow so hopfully I can start work on the next chapter right away. With me though who knows.**


	3. Chapter 3

Tamaki proposed to Haruhi in the middle of my foyer while I stood at the top of the steps and got to watch. It was my place to congratulate them because I was friends of the couple and it was my job to be happy for them…

I had known that I should have told the staff not to let Tamaki in through the front door.

I backed up of silently as I could and neither noticed that I was there to witness the scene itself so I had a little time to… work up whatever face I was suppose to wear when I congratulated the two of them. After the two of them told me that they were engaged I was going to act like I hadn't seen what had just happened. Maybe I should have been a better person, but I wasn't. I couldn't be a friend right now. It was constant fight between good and evil and if evil won then there would be a lot of blood to clean up.

Why did I have to fall in love with _her? _It wasn't like she was anything special. No she wasn't anything special. Haruhi was smart and she was pretty, and she would be an amazing lawyer, and she was the type of person who would never cheat on you.

Fuck it. Maybe I should just become an alcoholic. I had heard from some associates that it was a good solution as any.

I walked calmly into my bedroom that was plain and modern. It was the size of a large apartment. It felt cold to me sometimes but it was just a bedroom and I just slept there so it really didn't matter to me. I moved over to a mirror and while I didn't look upset enough to do anything to the mirror that didn't stop me from taking it off the wall and throwing it across the room. I watched it splitter into a million pieces.

A lobotomy would be good right about now.

I went over to the desk, and I woke up the computer, and I started my day. It didn't matter that I was doing my work in my pajamas. No one was going to see me today anyway.

There was a knock at the door and the butler walked in and told me that Tamaki and Haruhi were downstairs. I gave him a _look _and he left to take care of it because he valued his position and his life. And if he didn't do what he was supposed to then he was going to lose a good position that paid him a lot of money.

……………

Haruhi's P.O.V

The fight that I had between Tamaki had been one of our worst and it when I really thought about it I hadn't known why we were fighting about it in the first place. As hours had passed and I had spent time thinking about it I had realized that, although this was a rare occurrence, Tamaki had been right. The fight had been basically been about our relationship. Tamaki had been rather serious when he had finally asked where we were going as a couple. The fact that he had brought up the subject in the first place had far from shocked me. I always expected it. Tamaki was a lot more romantic then I was and he was more traditional.

We had been dating for four years and while we were currently serious it wasn't the best time for either of us to be in a serious relationship. Keep in mind it wasn't going to stop me from being with him. I just acknowledge that it wasn't the best time right now. Tamaki was in school and was having issues with his family. His father wanted him to be a part of the family business and his grandmother wanted him to fall off the face of the earth and never come back. Tamaki was in the middle of it all wanting some part of the company, although not as large as his father wanted him to be, he also wanted to stay out of his grandmothers way. Currently all that was happening was a lot of heated arguments that, although Tamaki tried to hide it, bothered him. They just made me want to hit his grandmother over the head with a heavy object.

As for me… I was just busy. I was going to school and I had a part time job. The job was a really big issue with every member of the former Host Club, because they all wanted to pay for my college education, something I wasn't going to let them do. I was on a partial scholarship but I still had a lot of expenses and I was working to pay off as much of it as I could. I wasn't going to think about law school. I didn't want to. I didn't know how I was going to pull it off.

The two of us had been so busy that after I had graduated and gotten into college that we had barely seen each other. I had missed Tamaki, as much as I didn't like to admit that, and Tamaki made sure that I knew that he didn't like the current situation. Making time for all our friends and have time for ourselves just wasn't something that we could pull off.

And so it had been my idea to move in together. I wasn't going to not think about moving in with Tamaki because we weren't married first. Tamaki hadn't been thrilled. He wanted to get married first but I had argued with him about how we both weren't ready and I had gotten him to agree. My father still wasn't talking to Tamaki.

And so we had moved in together and everything had been fine. I went to school and worked and Tamaki went to school and dealt with his family and we still got to be with one another. But as time had passed and another year had went by Tamaki started pushing for us to get married and I had balked because we were still so busy. I didn't know if I wanted to be a student and a married woman all at once. We argued on and off about and finally last night Tamaki had pushed and told me to make a choice.

The two of us were getting married or he was moving out. He said that either I loved him enough to marry him or I wasn't. And I had rushed out because for as much as I didn't want to lose him I also didn't know if I could marry him. Tamaki was the type of person who drove you crazy on a good day. I had school, work, my father, and a relationship to handle. I wasn't ready to be a wife.

It had taken me a night away from him to realize that I didn't want to lose Tamaki. I was a sensible person, but I was a sensible person who was in love. I could marry Tamaki because anything less wasn't an option.

And so Tamaki had come to take me home and told me that we could work something out.. He had added jokingly, but with hopeful eyes, "That was unless I had changed my mind and wanted to go to city hall."

I had told him that I wanted to go home and I wanted marry him. He had been so happy, and I realized that I didn't want anything more then to be with him forever.

Love turned us all into idiots I was guessing, because I still thought it was a bad time to be getting married, but I also realized that Tamaki was right. We either wanted to be together forever or we didn't. I wanted to be with him forever… even if he would drive me nuts.

I was holding his hand and letting him kiss me lightly all over my face when I saw Kyoya's butler in the corner of my mind. I was embarrassed to see him right there and I pulled away from Tamaki with a blush.

"Uhh.." I was having a hard time. I did _not _like public displays of affection. "Could you see if Kyoya's awake? We have something to tell him."

The butler nodded and left and I gave Tamaki a glare when he moved in to kiss me again. "Don't even think about it."

Tamaki paused, "Why don't we just go up and wake him up?" Tamaki looked like a happy puppy.

I had enough common sense _not _to wake Kyoya up after he had been up half the night with me. I was also a little scared of Kyoya when he was fresh out of bed. If Kyoya was asleep then we could always tell him later.

I smiled at Tamaki, "We can always tell him later."

Tamaki looked like he wanted to tempt fate but I wasn't going to let him die before he had been _engaged _for less than a half an hour. The butler came back after a couple of minutes and said that Kyoya was indisposed at the moment.

Tamaki looked like he wanted to rush up the stairs and I pulled him back, "After a couple of hours. We'll come back."

Kyoya had stayed with me and been my friend last night when I had needed one. The least I could do was let him get some sleep. Plus, I still needed to get used to the idea before we started telling people.

Tamaki looked crushed for a second the way he does when he doesn't get what he wanted. He gave me _that look. _

"Why don't we go and visit everyone else and come back later." I offered helpfully.

I must have said the right thing.

"What a wonderful idea! We can come back after we tell everyone else." And like that he was happy again and pulling me out the door.

So much for a little time to get used to the idea… "We're going to have to call Hikaru and Kaoru, since there in France." I told him.

"We can always just go there and tell them in person."

He actually looked serious when he said that. I glared as I got into the ridiculously expensive red sports car that he owned.

And I was going to be one of these rich bastards. God help me if I ever felt like going to France because I felt like it.

**A/N: You all get a present! I didn't think I would get this done but alas I shocked myself and got this down. I hate to tell you all but I think this might be the last chapter for awhile because I'm going to be really busy the next week I have a feeling that the next chapters going to be a pain in the butt to write... Should be out relatively soon though. Hopfully. Hope you all enjoyed. R/R**


	4. The Calm

Kyoya

I was driven to do something to take my mind off the fact that the closest thing I had to a dream had just crashed and burned into something that I could never attain. A part of me wanted to give into emotions and throw something again, but I was to level headed to do that. Again.

I didn't consider myself to be the kind of person to have a moral code that I lived by so I wasn't really sure I understood why I couldn't just go after what I wanted, even if Tamaki was in love with her.

What did it matter really? I wasn't sure but I knew that I couldn't go after her. Haruhi was in love with the idiot and the last thing that I wanted to do was confuse everything.

Lightning was flashing outside my window inside my bedroom and I could hear the rain pouring on the ceiling it was coming down so hard. I didn't spare it one though. The only time I gave a shit about the rain was when it got in the way of any of the work I was trying to finish.

I was in the middle of a phone call with one of my underlings, telling him under no uncertain terms he was an idiot who had cost the company large fortune and I would be terminating him immediately when a flash of lightening lit up my room. I paid it little attention and went back to work.

Haruhi

As happy as I was, I wanted to kill Tamaki. I had allowed him to drive. He was driving like and idiot and he wouldn't stop talking. He was so cheerful at the moment that he glowed and so I merely grumbled that he should watch the road. The rain had let up a lot and there was hardly any lightening or thunder. Despite all of that, if I were on my own right now I would be a lot more on edge then I was at the moment. The rain still bothered me but it only seemed to fade into nothing when I was with Tamaki.

"We're going to have a large wedding and we're going to invite everyone that we know. It's going to be the event of the year!"

It was going to be a small wedding and we were only going to invite people closest to us. I was going to be extremely lucky if it didn't end up on the front page of some paper. I would let him know all of that later.

"Hikaru and Kaoru are going to have to make your dress." He raved.

I wasn't so sure about that. I would end up killing the two of them in the process. I would let them come up with an idea maybe but to put them in control of my dress was relinquishing too much control and I didn't want to end up wearing a bird on my head. They might make the perfect dress for me but I just wanted something simple and I wasn't sure that any of the men in my life understood that word. But again I would tell him later.

"We'll hire the best band and the most amazing church!"

We would hire something that wasn't too large to fit the limited number of guests that we would be having. As for the band I really didn't care.

I stared outside the car and into the rain and felt at peace with everything. I was staring into the storm and for once I didn't feel at a loss for what to do and I felt no fear. I was where I was supposed to be in my life.

For the first time in the last hour Tamaki looked over at me and he still had a stupid smile on his face. He looked at me and then went back to watching the road and I touched his knee.

"I think we can talk about all of that later."

Tamaki laughed and made a turn, "I know what I want, but what do you want?"

That surprised me. I hadn't thought he would ask not because he didn't care… but just because he usually got so…

It didn't matter. He wanted to know and I would tell him.

"I want a small wedding with all of our closest friends and family there. I want a simple dress that doesn't feel like something that isn't me. I want it somewhere simple. Maybe we could get married on the beach?"

Tamaki smiled. "I knew you imagined your wedding! You've probably been thinking about it since you were a little girl! And now you have the perfect man!" he raved.

I smiled. I had a man-child which was close I guess. I had spent some time thinking about it.

I wasn't totally unromantic.

"What about having Kyoya as my best man?"

I turned to him in surprise. "Of course." I was a little shocked that he would think of having anyone else.

He lit up. "What about next week?"

I laughed and tried to not feel overwhelmed. "In a couple of months."

Tamaki pouted, but I just patted his leg.

Kyoya

There had been a couple an hour where the storm had let up, but now the rain was back to pouring outside. I felt like the hard it rained. The harder I worked.

Haruhi

A split second. That was all it took. One second Tamaki was talking about what kind of house we would live in, I was rolling my eyes at the thought of a house with that many rooms. Then the rain started up again and it was pounding on the car. Neither of us saw the car coming straight at Tamaki's side of the car.

I knew it the second it happened.

**A/N: No one is allowed to kill me. R/R.**


	5. Chapter 5

Funerals for normal people were a depressing occasion where people said there last goodbyes and mourned the dearly departed.

There was no doubting that this wasn't a normal funeral.

The idiots were trying too hard to make that possible. Every one of them were trying their hardest to give Tamaki the funeral he deserved and what he would have wanted, but he wasn't there and he would never be anywhere again and so making the funeral a light occasion had turned into a challenge that the twins weren't quite up to but they were still attempting it anyway. There was laughter and games and talk of Tamaki that made people laugh even when they didn't want to.

Haruhi stood around, talked to people and was the perfect hostess but she wasn't laughing and people noticed that. No matter when anyone did to make her laugh it didn't work. Even elephants hadn't helped but Haruhi didn't get mad about the zoo that was her fiancé's funeral. She didn't seem to notice her broken arm, but then again she didn't seem to notice a lot.

I didn't know what I was doing for the first time in my life. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel now that Tamaki was gone. There wasn't a part of me that was happy, but if I was supposed to _feel _something I didn't _feel_ anything one way or another. I had gone from being a miserable person to not feeling anything. I wasn't sure if that made me not human somehow but I figured that it was just something I was going to have to contend with since it was what I felt. Or what I didn't feel.

Haruhi got away from people and went to go stand in a corner and I followed without thinking, because I cared about her and I was worried about her.

She acted like she didn't see me. "He would have wanted you to smile."

Haruhi bowed her head. "I would find something to smile about if he were here."

I shrugged off my suit coat and gave it to her because she looked cold somehow. I acted like it didn't mean anything when I really just wanted her to stop looking like she was so alone.

"You don't have to be around me right now. I really don't want the company."

"I don't really feel like company half of the time I'm around any of you but you really don't give me any choice."

Haruhi glared at me, which was shocking because she really didn't glare much. "Is it too much to ask to be alone?"

I pretended to think about it. "Yes it is."

"You're a bastard."

"I've been told." I continued on and ignored the glares. "If you think that a couple of glares and rude comments are going to get rid of me you've never been in one of my business meetings."

We stood there and no one came near us because they valued their lives and I stayed with Haruhi because even though she wouldn't admit she needed someone to be with her. How I had figured that out on my own I wasn't sure because I usually missed things such as what a person needed, but I knew that someone should be with her. I also stayed with her because it ensured that no one would even dare come near her right now.

Hikaru, kaoru, Honey, and Mori took care of the guests and I took care of the one person that we all cared about more than anyone else in the room.

Hikaru and Kaoru were trying to make Haruhi come out of the emotionless fog that she was in by shocking the mourners. No one ever really knew if the twins were really as comfortable with one another as they seemed, although if anyone asked me I would have been able to tell them the answer was no. They didn't fuck one another. People were stupid if they thought so, but from the looks from others, they thought so, that might have been from the inappropriate touching. Haruhi just rolled her eyes.

Honey tried to give her a stuffed animal and that only made her tear up a bit. Mori was just himself, and I was myself. And eventually I felt the need to go and talk to people because Haruhi kept glaring at me and I was starting to wonder if she was looking to kill someone. I would have stood there and took it, but if someone sane didn't step up soon there was going to be a larger problem to deal with then a death.

*******

The day of the funeral was cold and wet and I woke up wanting to kill anyone who got in my way. I got dressed, picked up flowers, and drove over the Haruhi's fathers to pick her up. She met me on the stairs and she looked as dead in the eyes today as she did the other day.

"Get in the car."

"Hello to you to."

"Are you going to get in the car or do I have to carry you?"

In all honesty I couldn't tell you what was making me act this way, it might have been lack of sleep. Either way Haruhi got in the car. As we drove to the church there was silence in the car that I wanted to shatter.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Has that ever stopped you if I said no?" She said dryly.

Being nice didn't have its good points for me. "Is there a reason that you haven't told anyone that you and Tamaki were engaged?"

She didn't look shocked that I knew, and then again she probably thought that one of the maids told me. "I don't see much point. He's dead. It's not like Tamaki is going to come back and marry me."

You would think that she had lost the life inside of her now that Tamaki was gone. There was a part of me that could rationalize that this was her way of mourning, but I couldn't shake the feeling that if someone didn't knock her out of it soon she would just live the rest of her life acting like nothing mattered to her. The thought made me mad just because I had thought that she was smarter than that. Haruhi and Tamaki had loved one another but they hadn't lived for one another.

My insightfulness into other people's emotions was only slightly disturbing to my person. I didn't like it.

We got to the church and it seemed like everything went by in a blur.

The twins came up to us. "Do you want to sit with everyone?" Hikaru asked her.

Haruhi shook her head and tried to take the front row seat by herself, but I followed her and sat down right next to her. Honey came up to her and gave her a flower.

"He would want you to smile Haruhi."

Haruhi smiled at Honey but it was false and she completely ignored it when Honey moved someone over so he could sit on the other side of her. And slowly the other members of the Ouran Host Club came over and did the same. Weather she wanted or not Haruhi had friends. Her father was dressed in a suit and looked very different from his usual self mostly because he was dressed as a man. He sat in the same row as the rest of us but he let Haruhi be with her friends.

Almost everyone was here.

There were a few words spoken from the priest and then it was time for people who wanted to to come up and speak there last words.

Lord help us.

Haruhi turned to me and we shared a look. I shook my head and tried to remember why no one had opted not to do this.

It started with a few words from Tamaki's father and grandmother which were both formal and heartbreaking. One was sincere while the other wasn't. They both spoke of Tamaki being a good person, they mentioned a couple of things about him and then they walked down.

And then Hikaru came up to the podium and I wondered briefly if none of Tamaki's friends were going to get kicked out of here.

"I would like to start off by saying that whatever any of us might feel today, Tamaki would want us to celebrate the fact that we all still live rather than mourn his death. He was one of the most ridiculous people anyone would ever meet. His lists of accomplishments start when he started up The Host Club. He brought people together and made people laugh. He was a brilliant person and he had people that loved him."

"He also hid in a corner and made a general pain in the butt of himself until he got his own way. He got a crush and girl and thought he loved her like a daughter. He loved his mother, who is sadly not here today, he made friends that lasted him a lifetime and he will always remember. When someone dies we talk about all of the good things about the person who's passed on but we don't like to talk about the bad stuff."

Hikaru cleared his throat, "Tamaki was a pain in the butt, who was rarely serious and he always got his friends in messes. And because of that we'll never forget him." And then he walked down.

Haruhi started tearing up and I gave her tissue and acted like I didn't notice, because that's what she wanted. Hikarui was always the more immature on of the two of them. Hearing him talk as an adult was disconcerting.

Kaoru walked up and straightened his tie. "Tamaki made hamster homes in other people's houses. He whined when he didn't get his own way. He had a stuffed animal. He thought is girlfriend was someone he loved like a daughter in the beginning. He had a big heart so that generally made him too trusting. No one is ever going to forget him. Whenever I look at coffee I think about our times in high school when we would drink nothing instant coffee because he got a kick out of it. If you ask me I always thought it was nasty but then again that wasn't the point. Tamaki was his own person and we'll always notice that he's not there when there's a silence that he doesn't fill." And Kaoru walked down.

As everyone expected Honey came up with Mori. "I would have shared any of my candy with him." And that was all from Honey and Mori. Almost nobody understood but the ones who were suppose to, did a and then it was my turn and I really didn't have an idea on what I was suppose to say so I went up there and spoke my mind.

"Tamaki made me his friend weather I wanted him to or not. I don't care what anyone thought of him as a person. I don't care if people thought he was loud or immature or stupid. I would have bailed him out of jail, I would have killed anyone who hurt him and I would have done it all without him knowing because I wouldn't have wanted him to annoy me anymore. If I had known that he was on his last days I probably still wouldn't have told him and he probably still would have known. I don't know my emotions well but that's fine because Tamaki knew them enough for the all of us. And I would only come up here and show a more emotional part of myself for this idiot."

And I walked down feeling like I didn't know what to do with myself and thinking about what whole I could burry myself into, because I did not usually say things like that, but I figured since I was in love with Haruhi I was paying him back somehow.

Haruhi walked up last. She stood up there and looked the same as she had the last couple of days. She looked like she didn't feel. "I loved him. That's all I can say that hasn't already been said. He knows why I loved him. He knows I'll always love him, and only he'll know why."

And just like that the funeral was over and although most people didn't understand Tamaki we all mourned him. And lord help his grandmother who was a still an evil witch, because no one had told his mother that her only son was dead and for that she would pay for that.

**A/N: This was a hard chapter to write because I didn't know how to keep everyone in character and it was just an important chapter for the story, however I tried my best. Honestly ,it turned out a little differently then I thought it would. I think I've finally got the idea down and for that I'm glad because now I know better where things are going. I killed off Tamaki because... it was just the way things went. I didn't want to but when I had the idea I just always knew that Tamaki was going to die, which sucks... but I just went with it. Hopfully everyone enjoyed the chapter. Anyway, R/R. **


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